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5 Things You Should Never Say To Your Flatmates

5thingsyoushouldneversaytoyourflatmates

Seeking free drinks, course notes or a shoulder to cry on? Keep your Uni comrades onside by avoiding the 5 Things you should never say to your flatmates…

“Can you do the washing up?”

 Let us save you the effort of expelling consonants and vowels from your lips. No! The answer will always be no. Whether hitting them over the head with a scrubbing brush sledgehammer of politely tickling their interest with the soft effervescence of Fairy Liquid bubbles, no flatmate takes kindly to the suggestion that it is their turn to wash the dishes. If pompous notes, boxes full of dirty cutlery and a flat smelling worse than the local tip doesn’t sound appealing, may I suggest paper plates and plastic knives and forks?

“So, can someone throw the paper dishes out?”

“NO!”

“Of course you can have a lift!”

Are you planning on spending your university years as the local free taxi driver? No? Then follow these wise words once spoken by the Tibetan Monks of the Drepung Loseling Monastery, “My son, thou shall never drive with thy flatmates ox”. Translated, this simply  means, “Don’t be an idiot and let your flatmates get a free ride… EVER!” If you have a car at university, you need to set the limits from the get go. Once the word is spread that you like to lend people your vehicular support, you can expect to be the most famous taxi driver since Robert De Niro had trouble figuring out just who was talking to who.

 

“I have loads of money!”

It may be an enjoyable boast, but your gleaming pride will soon be glowing in the green envy of your flatmates, as dollar signs cascade across their eyeballs in cartoonish delight. Unless you enjoy the idea of becoming the autonomous ATM of your university campus, we suggest keeping your monetary successes to yourself. Otherwise, you may end up being a completely different kind of green.

 

“My parents are coming to stay.”

Get the beer cans into a trash bag. Launch the smelly clothes pile into the washing machine. Get the study books out. Batten down the hatches! Call the police!! Someone do something!!! My flatmates parents are coming to stay! Student life offers the wonderful freedom to live like a pig and say goodbye to the chores. So why, oh why does my flatmate insist on having his parents to stay? Let your fellow university companions live wild and free. Don’t tell them that your parents are coming to stay.

 

“I went to McDonalds and I got you nothing.”

 

IF YOU GO TO MCDONALDS, BRING YOUR FLATMATES A BURGER! We have nothing else to say on this matter.

So, now that you know the 5 things you should never say to your flatmates, perhaps you could make student life even more idyllic and consider the 5 things you should always say to your flatmates. Hmmm; Entry Number 1… I will pay for everything! Student Heaven.

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